area51novel Page 164
Page 164
However, Jiang Kehan has never been as confused as Ya Rou. Simply put, she never compromises herself for others, or even pretends to be.
Everything she showed was from her true heart.
Ya Rou is different. Behind the mask she displays is not only a somewhat aloof girl, but also a girl who can no longer live without the mask.
She is like a lying mirror. When she encounters patients like Xiao Ting who need comfort, she will pretend to be the way the other person needs her, giving the other person a temporary haven.
As a doctor, Ya Rou cannot and is unable to truly empathize with her patients; she must even maintain a condescending indifference.
Only in this way can she become a qualified, selfless haven, providing temporary relief to patients.
But what if this patient were herself?
Ya Rou had already experienced the torment. She closed her eyes in pain, not knowing how to cope, and chose to ask for help.
Jiang Kehan did not hold Ya Rou's hand like Xiao Ting had done before, and even deliberately kept her distance.
She knew that what Ya Rou needed was not comfort, but the courage and answers to confront her fears.
“If you need to deliberately emphasize loving yourself, it’s just an excuse.” Jiang Kehan waved to Xiao Ting and the others, signaling them to go first.
So, only she and Ya Rou remained.
Jiang Kehan crossed her hands behind her back, leaned over to look at the ceaseless bubbles in the mirror, and spoke with the mindset of an ordinary person.
"I'm actually a selfish person, even a bit shameless." She chuckled, her eyes flashing back to how she first met Li Hui.
She was a bit naive at the time. When she saw the target, she didn't know what to say and ended up letting the target show her around the academy.
To be honest, all she could think about at the time was how to atone for her sins after completing the mission. After all, she had just transmigrated and was arrested, and might even be sealed away for life. She was genuinely terrified.
Jiang Kehan genuinely approached the other party with ill intentions, driven by ulterior motives.
That's why she was so moved when Li Hui helped her up at the ball.
When Jiang Kehan approached Li Hui with a false heart, he responded with genuine feelings, and the shock and emotion she felt were unforgettable.
That's right, Jiang Kehan doesn't understand love, but she knows what it feels like to be loved.
"But in the end, I accepted this imperfect, even somewhat cunning, self." Jiang Kehan squatted down, her smile a little silly, but the happiness she exuded stunned Ya Rou, who opened her eyes.
"Because someone cares about me. If someone as perfect as her can accept me as I am, why can't I accept myself?"
Jiang Kehan stood up, looked at the sun in the sky, stretched, and spoke in an unexpectedly calm tone.
"After learning about this, I never doubted myself, nor did I need to doubt myself."
"It may seem despicable, but I know that no matter what I become, there are two places that will accept me."
She turned to look at Ya Rou, who was lost in thought, and smiled brightly. In Ya Rou's eyes, Ya Rou was like a natural sun, no, even more dazzling.
"One is my own heart, and the other is her heart."
"So even if you're a doctor who's solely dedicated to others, please accept yourself and love yourself!"
"We need you, Ya Rou."
Loving yourself is actually very simple.
It's not that it's nominally love, but it's actually just an excuse to make amends after one has been hurt.
Instead, it means knowing what might cause them to get hurt, yet still smiling and moving forward with tolerance.
Embrace your naivety and move towards the direction you envision.
"Nonsense..." Ya Rou chuckled after a brief silence, looking at Jiang Kehan with some disdain.
"You really do know how to say nonsensical things, Kehan." She walked to Jiang Kehan's side, her face still a little pale, but her eyes were no longer panicked, but unexpectedly bright.
"But at least you were somewhat useful this time, so I'll accept your twisted logic."
Ya Rou smiled, a smile that was somewhat cold. She was trying to show her true self, in order to confront the reflection of her inner self.
"Let's go, don't keep the others waiting too long."
Jiang Kehan looked at Ya Rou with some worry. Ya Rou's performance was not good. The fine sweat on her forehead and her slightly trembling hands showed Ya Rou's unease.
But Ya Rou has mustered the courage to confront her fears.
This will be extremely agonizing, and accompanied by deep-seated regret.
This time, although Ya Rou was trembling, she still slowly took a step forward.
The sounds of torture, audible only to herself, filled her ears, yet her gaze grew ever more resolute.
"Do you really think anyone would like the real you? Don't be ridiculous!"
“You are not Jiang Kehan. You don’t have that kind of gentleness that makes people accept you from the bottom of their hearts!”
"So, keep pretending. Only in this way can you stay in the team as you are now."
I know, I know everything... Ya Rou's smile was forced; these were all things she had once feared.
I don't know when, maybe a long time ago, while she was healing the others in her team, she was also being healed.
That's why she felt anxious and fearful.
Is continuing to pretend the only way for her to maintain the status quo?
But the disguise she wore only made her feel more and more fragmented, and she began to doubt whether she had become unrecognizable.
What is this again? Humility, isn't it?
Ya Rou thought quietly, then raised her head and looked up at the sky.
As she gazed at the soothing scenery, she suddenly remembered a detail she had overlooked.
Perhaps it was because she cared too much that she felt powerless.
That's why they subconsciously ignore themselves.
"But if I don't try, will I ever get the same genuine affection that Jiang Kehan received?"
Ya Rou questioned her reflection in the mirror, clenching her fists.
"I know my true self isn't likable, and it might cause many relationships to break down, but..."
"This time, please let me love myself, give me the courage to try, and embrace this imperfect future."
She spoke softly, tears welling in her eyes, yet her smile grew even brighter.
"I also want to love myself just once, even if it will change me beyond recognition in the future."
"I... I understand now!"
"I am not a doctor, nor can I be a doctor."
Ya Rou looked at Xiao Ting waving at her from ahead, and finally a tear fell from her eye. She murmured something.
"I'm just a child with regrets, a fallen heiress."
It seemed as if light flashed from the teardrop as it touched the mirror, as if a camera had captured her waving in response to Xiao Ting.
The sky was very blue, and everything around me was very clear.
The reflection in the mirror no longer uttered sarcastic words, but instead embraced Ya Rou from behind.
A fairy tale is about accepting unpleasant things and telling them in a beautiful tone.
It gives others the courage to keep going.
Chapter 235 Bai Bingbing: I am the MVP!
"What's wrong with you?" Xiao Ting looked at Ya Rou curiously, a slight smile on her lips, as if she had noticed something.
"It's nothing. Can't I act a little cooler?" Ya Rou stared at the other person with feigned composure. Her expression was somewhat indifferent and arrogant, which surprisingly matched her aristocratic gown.
She's like a true aristocratic young lady.
"Oh?" Xiao Ting looked at her noncommittally, then suddenly made a face and stuck out her tongue comically.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Ya Rou frowned, couldn't help but cover her mouth and click her tongue.
"So this is your true personality?" Xiao Ting casually withdrew her funny face, then extended her hand to Ya Rou with a serious expression.
Her voice was soft, but it contained genuine laughter.
"To be honest, I still miss that little doctor who would pretend to agree with me while also asking if I was sick or why I was suddenly making funny faces."
Xiao Ting looked at Ya Rou, whose expression was somewhat embarrassed, and firmly grasped her hand, wiping the fine sweat from Ya Rou's forehead while speaking gently.
"But I like Ya Rou better now, because you are finally willing to show us your true feelings."
Ya Rou stared blankly at the pervert in front of her; his behavior was harassment!
Surprisingly, she wasn't too bothered by it until Xiao Ting wiped her sweat and gently slapped her face.
"Idiot, we're all willing to show you, the doctor, our imperfections, so why do you think we can't accept you?"
Xiao Ting's tone became solemn as she looked at the somewhat lonely noblewoman, as if she were her parent.
"At worst, they'll just laugh at you. What's there to be afraid of?"
"You can't expect anything good to come out of a dog's mouth." Ya Rou looked at the other person's serious eyes, then chuckled and looked at her familiar captain with a touch of nostalgia.
Many times, the other party reassured everyone in the team in this way, giving them strength, even though they weren't usually very reliable.
However, whenever Xiao Ting was needed, she would always rush to the front of everyone to shield them from the wind and rain.
"I just lack confidence in myself..." Ya Rou said softly, talking about the things she used to fear, and stared directly into Xiao Ting's eyes.
The sound of the wind around them was like the rushing of the tide, bringing a refreshing feeling and making the two cherish this opportunity to exchange their innermost thoughts even more.
"The more outstanding you are, the more you will doubt yourself, because none of you can keep up with me." Ya Rou raised her head arrogantly, looking slightly disdainful.
Xiao Ting's lips twitched. How come she hadn't noticed how abstract Ya Rou was before?
However, one thing is true: Ya Rou is actually very talented; otherwise, she wouldn't have been able to become Wu Yuhan's marked target by simply weaving a faction.
"However... I suddenly realized that perhaps the so-called perfection is just an excuse, an excuse to soothe my inner unease."
Ya Rou looked at the endless bubbles behind Xiao Ting, and after a brief silence, slowly covered her chest, feeling the surge of emotions within her.
"It doesn't matter how perfect I am, what matters is having friends who accept my imperfections, like you, and everyone else."
She couldn't help but glance at Jiang Kehan. To be honest, she felt jealous when Jiang Kehan told her story. She felt genuinely jealous.
Why is it that someone as naive and innocent as Jiang Kehan can be accepted and even loved by others without any burden?